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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Rice vs Smith: a tale of love and combat

Love ain't like it used to be because of million dollar relationships and professional sporting lifestyles, but  now everyone has an opinion because cameras are everywhere.
The recent Ray Rice/Janay Palmer Rice domestic violence case is similar to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, now Mr. And Mrs. Pitt, acting out in Mr. And Mrs. Smith, a blockbuster movie that started their romantic, enduring relationship.

Perhaps if you've ever been in love, you can remember bad times amidst good times. I remember my brother-in-law commenting that sometimes good sex results in a few bruises. I recall an ex-boyfriend giving me a spanking after a fight and how we made up afterwards, only to end it all later when I found someone who treated me better. Yes, Virginia, humans do fight in the bedroom and the war room and sometimes they shake hands, live to tell the story, kiss and makeup. It all depends if another significant love interest, lawyer or employer gets involved...

No, I don't like violence, but I do like football games which can be violent. I don't like war games, and I don't like mind games. I don't like feminists trying to tell me how to run my marriage or how I should be mad at my husband if he doesn't come home on time. I try to set insects outside if I can instead of swatting them because they've come into MY house! I know when to throw out the trash although some think I'm too emotional, too na├»ve, too infantile to separate garbage from recyclables. I can make the right decisions although sometimes I make the wrong ones which is part of being human.

My mom's advice was to make a decision and live with it! She was widowed at 39, remarried at 41, and divorced and living single when she died.

What is not cool is the way the NFL, the media, and some relationship counselors are judging Ray Rice and his wife, Janay, which could end up destroying the young family's livelihood and future happiness.  Even though the couple made up after the elevator incident, Ray's career and wallet have been hit hard, a severe punch to their bank account. How hard a hit has the NFL made?

What troubles me most is a white female, "relationship expert" response to this travesty in the Huffington Post. ( In a blog, Taylor Marsh says that Janay's Instagram defending her husband is  "alarming and so tragically sad." She claims Janay and women like her are "grasping for love by trying to protect a man whose violence threatens her life every day she stays within his orbit."

She claims that Janay Palmer Rice is "dangerously delusional." Wonder if Janay had called Taylor for help the night she was punched by Ray would she have come to her aid? Would she provide a shoulder to cry on? Would she offer Janay and her daughter a room?  After working for the Huffington Post myself and being paid peanuts, I kinda know where this is going, and it doesn't look pretty for the woman faced with divorce, single parenthood, ostracism, and foreclosure.

Ray could end up in jail with other black men. Janay could prostitute herself to pay the rent. Too often, this is the scenario young black families are finding themselves playing out. Black men are demonized by the media (entertainment) and are daily targets. Obama is called a poor leader. Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown, Jr. should not have walked on neighborhood streets and roadways. Ray Nagin should not have stolen the people's trust -  etc., etc., etc.

Taylor, next time try doing something which will truly help the Rice Family instead of calling victims names. I guess you are just taking the lead of Arianna Huffington who also targets saving the world while feathering her own nest!

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